Negative, Negative, Negative...
I am extremely tired now. I am at the point where I say: I don't care about school at all, neither do I care about practicing more, I will just go to sleep now. I can't take it anymore. I was so proud to make it for three weeks without getting sick and without getting a lot of sleep. I don't want my health to go away, that means, that I have to go to sleep earlier.
I did practice my violin for about a half hour today, and I did horribly at my piano lesson (as usual). I don't know what is wrong with me. Everything seems to be all right at home and once I go to my teacher, I mess up everything possible (almost everything possible). Today my tiredness was also added towards doing bad. It makes me so upset!!! If I wouldn't have been silent, I might have started to cry. It is extremely disappointing to do bad, even though I put so much effort in it. I did not get better at all.
At least I have my violin. This is fun to practice. I got a new piece. It is the Kabalewski Concert C-Major. This is modern music, therefore it doesn't all sound so pretty, but it is a lot of fun to play, because it just goes. Maybe one day, when you are online, I can play a little bit of it, so that you have an idea of what I am talking about. If it wasn't for my violin, I would definitely say, that achieving the acceptance at a university would be impossible, but since I am doing ok in the violin I might still have a chance. I will try my best especially since I enjoy practicing most of the time.
What else happened today? I got my English test back. I only got 13 points on it, because I was too dumb to fill in one gap and unfortunately there were only 8, therefore this one gap cost me 2 points. I was kind of disappointed even though I knew, that this would be the result of my test. It is just that it wasn't worth all of the studying I had done to know all the sentences. I don't know how long it took me to learn them (since I was doing it while being at the wedding of my aunt as I might have told you before), and we didn't need them at all!!
Instead, there was this question, which is now clear to me, but it wasn't before. This test was important for me, because I need good grades at least in one subject. I know there will be others to come, but I wanted to have a 15 point average so that I can mess up in one of the class tests which won't be very easy this year either.
On top of that, I will not do great in French this year and I fear that I will lower my grades one point in each subject. I am probably starting to get depressed again. I will fight against it, but I am just not sure about what to expect and what to ask of myself. Do you think I am asking too much of myself by trying to get the best grades possible? I am sorry if all of this is a mess, but this is how I feel right now.
It already helped me to get better though. I am so glad to have the opportunity to type it all out.
This is probably everything interesting that went on today. It is 7 pm. I will now answer some of the blogs on reltalks as my Andacht for today and then I will finally sleep. Yayay!!
I did practice my violin for about a half hour today, and I did horribly at my piano lesson (as usual). I don't know what is wrong with me. Everything seems to be all right at home and once I go to my teacher, I mess up everything possible (almost everything possible). Today my tiredness was also added towards doing bad. It makes me so upset!!! If I wouldn't have been silent, I might have started to cry. It is extremely disappointing to do bad, even though I put so much effort in it. I did not get better at all.
At least I have my violin. This is fun to practice. I got a new piece. It is the Kabalewski Concert C-Major. This is modern music, therefore it doesn't all sound so pretty, but it is a lot of fun to play, because it just goes. Maybe one day, when you are online, I can play a little bit of it, so that you have an idea of what I am talking about. If it wasn't for my violin, I would definitely say, that achieving the acceptance at a university would be impossible, but since I am doing ok in the violin I might still have a chance. I will try my best especially since I enjoy practicing most of the time.
What else happened today? I got my English test back. I only got 13 points on it, because I was too dumb to fill in one gap and unfortunately there were only 8, therefore this one gap cost me 2 points. I was kind of disappointed even though I knew, that this would be the result of my test. It is just that it wasn't worth all of the studying I had done to know all the sentences. I don't know how long it took me to learn them (since I was doing it while being at the wedding of my aunt as I might have told you before), and we didn't need them at all!!
Instead, there was this question, which is now clear to me, but it wasn't before. This test was important for me, because I need good grades at least in one subject. I know there will be others to come, but I wanted to have a 15 point average so that I can mess up in one of the class tests which won't be very easy this year either.
On top of that, I will not do great in French this year and I fear that I will lower my grades one point in each subject. I am probably starting to get depressed again. I will fight against it, but I am just not sure about what to expect and what to ask of myself. Do you think I am asking too much of myself by trying to get the best grades possible? I am sorry if all of this is a mess, but this is how I feel right now.
It already helped me to get better though. I am so glad to have the opportunity to type it all out.
This is probably everything interesting that went on today. It is 7 pm. I will now answer some of the blogs on reltalks as my Andacht for today and then I will finally sleep. Yayay!!
2 Comments:
At 29/9/05 20:33, Anonym said…
OH Kertsy,
I'm sorry things have been going negatively. I don't think it is too much to expect to get good grades. Afterall, you are working hard. If you hadn't been working hard, I would say that you shouldn't expect to do so well. But I know you are trying extremely hard and you are dedicated to all that you do. I guess my only suggestion to you is to not give up. Don't let a grade make you get down. I know this is extremely hard because this is all you have to show others that you are a good student and made effort. All I know is that things will work out in the end. It might not be the result that you were expecting, but I know that something good will turn up from all of the hard work that you put into everything! Just keep on having faith. If you sincerely can't do it anymore, then don't! I think you always know in your heart what the right thing to do is. Have faith and believe in yourself and don't beat yourself up if it doesn't go perfectly :)
At 30/9/05 07:52, Kerstin said…
Dear Priscy,
Those were just the thoughts from yesterday, I am glad to be able to tell you that I am now over it. It is still sad that I didn't get 15 points, but this was totally expected. So it wasn't a surprise, it was just that I put so much effort in it. Next time i will do even more to be able to do better. If my teacher will have 20 gaps then, I will be able to do better. Maybe I should just put some more thought in it.
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