Lost Confidence
Here we are back in the depression which so often overcomes me. What is the reason this time? Too much work and no time to do it. I even got so far as to copy someones homework which made me feel even worse. I haven't done this in a really, really long time and now I started it again. This shows me where I really am - laying on the floor not being able to stand up anymore. It is sad but true. I CAN'T TAKE IT. Then of course, we got assigned enough homework for the whole week just for French. I am so sick of it. On top of that our English homework is so weird that it will be extremely time consuming. I will have to prepare my paper over a book, too in order to turn it in on Monday or Tuesday. I have to study for the test I have to take on Monday and also I should practice, practice, practice... it is endless that list of things to do.
Let me tell you how "well" I prepared for today's test: Yesterday I could not get myself to study therefore my mom helped me study (otherwise I wouldn't have done anything at all). I had a free hour this morning and I tried to study in the library, but there were so many little kids which made so much noise and therefore I left the library and went to the Mensa, but there I got distracted again. I still studied a little bit, but not as much as I should have.
When I got home, the day was already bad and I still didn't feel like studying for rel ed instead I read the newspaper to inform myself what was currently going on in the world. For the last 15 minutes I then studied asking my family questions...
I think I was prepared for the test but only because my family supported me, studying with me and helping me, especially my mom last night. If we wouldn't have done the last night session I would not have been prepared at all.
We will see how it will turn out to be. I did the best I could and it it will be a low grade so be it. I can't help it.
Let me tell you how "well" I prepared for today's test: Yesterday I could not get myself to study therefore my mom helped me study (otherwise I wouldn't have done anything at all). I had a free hour this morning and I tried to study in the library, but there were so many little kids which made so much noise and therefore I left the library and went to the Mensa, but there I got distracted again. I still studied a little bit, but not as much as I should have.
When I got home, the day was already bad and I still didn't feel like studying for rel ed instead I read the newspaper to inform myself what was currently going on in the world. For the last 15 minutes I then studied asking my family questions...
I think I was prepared for the test but only because my family supported me, studying with me and helping me, especially my mom last night. If we wouldn't have done the last night session I would not have been prepared at all.
We will see how it will turn out to be. I did the best I could and it it will be a low grade so be it. I can't help it.
2 Comments:
At 17/12/05 01:49, Anonym said…
I do not understand your current sentiment of lost confidence at all. I mean you had a great performance yesterday for heaven's sake. When will you ever be proud of yourself and forget the overwhelming world just for a second!! It is bvious that you are busy and have time for nothing but your current list of priorities. This is nothing new. Why do you have to let this get to your head so often? I know that you are strong and logical enough to see past stressful and overwhelming situations. I wish you wouldn't lose your confidence because, honestly, you have no real reason to do so!! You are a very accomplished person. Most accomplished people are just like you: constantly busy, stressed, overworked and overwhelmed. Because you have this drive for success, I don't think most of these feelings will go away any time soon. Instead of being negatively affected by them maybe you could use them as fuel for the fire of talent that burns in you. You are the one in control of you. YOU CAN TAKE IT! And you do take it. What is sad is that you don't cut yourself any slack and you are never satisfied with yourself and your accomplishments and abilities. I am not telling you to settle and not try anymore. I asking you to finally realize what you got! I mean take yesterday's performance, for example. I would think that you would be so much happier and relieved and proud of yourself for finally getting through a pressured performance with success. You say you are satisfied and then find faults with everything else in school. Don't lose your confidence! You can't be good at everything and I know that you know that. You are so blessed to have the amaing opportunities that you do and a loving family to support you. Don't give into the damn depression. "Too much work and no time to do it" is a reality that so many people are living. And this is the cause of some of their depressions too. Let me say once again that there is no reason for the fact that you are overwhelmed to affect your confidence level. Why should it? Is it because someone else can handle better than you?? Well, you better get used to that because someone will also be better no matter what. The point is that we should all strive to do our best. "Our best" is a condition that includes our well-being and health psychologically, physically, emotionally and spiritually. If these aren't in sync how can it be your best? Please don't feel like your confidence has to suffer from the overwhelming schedule you must keep.
At 17/12/05 08:13, Kerstin said…
you are right. THe headline was wrong. Because I finally know what my destiny is: being an English and music teacher. I just felt like this was a good way to express my current feeling. I am feeling much better today, because Mr- Schätzle allowed me to not do my homework till Monday, which will take a big burden off me. I still don't know what I will be able to accomplish over the weekend, but I know that French is the last thing I will do. Maybe I am going to have a talk with Mr. Vogel, because apparently French is the least of my concerns :) and I need to stick to my priorities in order to make it. You are right by saying that I shouldn't lose confidence because of school. I shouldn't allow school to overwhelm me, but sometimes there is nothing I can do against it, because this is part of my personality: Always trying to get EVERYTHING done. Thanks for taking the time and showing me that there are things in my life that aren't as necessary as others.
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