Performance

Before the concert started I went into an empty room to warm myself up for my performance. I played by heart, getting really warm and starting to sweat. This sweat in return made me feel cold again. It is the way it usually goes. Anyway two minutes before the concert started I stopped and walked downstairs, trying to find myself a chair where I can easily get up for my performance. There was none. So I went back to where I came from.
I felt a little like an animal in a cage, there was no way out of my situation. I prayed, concentrated on reassuring myself that I can do it and when I was no longer able to take it, I went outside and ran for a little bit to get my blood circulating. This helped a lot. Finally it was my turn (the time I waited was "only" thirty minutes but it felt like a lot more). I got my violin and bow, got my music stand, which I found out I didn't need at all, got my music as well.
When I stood there in front of the audience I got very nervous. My bow trembled in a way that I couldn't tune my violin. I just did it approximately and hoped for the best. I tried to calm myself in order to stop my bow from trembling, but it wouldn't work. It was horrible. I had to then start the piece. The first few beats was a total solo. After half of the first movement was over and nothing happened in terms of wrong pitches etc. I got confident. My mom told me lateron that she felt the point where it happened (my dad didn't :)). Because of my confidence my bow stopped trembling. The second movement went pretty good too except for me messing up once. Luckily no one noticed (except for really attentive and musical people) because the pitch fit in the chord since I only left one out and repeated the following twice :)
I was so glad when it was over. Such a feeling is awesome - to know that you have done it!
After my performance I packed away my violin and music stand and went up to where the organ was in order to have a good view and not interrupting any performance.
The chorus was next. They were magnificent. They walked in with candles. It resembled Disney Candle Light but with maybe a sixth of the singers. Their songs were great, too one of them was Gaudete. I am sure you remember that. I immediately tried to remember the words but for most of them I couldn't.
The music teacher which accompanied me on the piano gave me a rose lateron. She is extremely nice and smart. She truly is a musician. When I was up on the gallery I also got to talk to Ms Aldinger which has studied in Texas for two semesters I believe. She also plays the violin. I really enjoyed that talk since she is extremely nice.
When I got home I started having a headache. I still had to study for my religious education test but I couldn't force myself to start. There was no way. I can't help it. I am so exhausted physically and mentally. All I can do is go to school and even this is a new challenge every day. I started wondering how long I will be able to make it still. Surely one day I will break down. So I am looking forward to vacations. I will definitely try to relax and regain strength for the coming time. I need every strength possible. Of course I will study a little bit and practice a lot because I have to, but I will have time for myself - finally.